Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
