Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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