im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
