we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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