I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
