tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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