I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
