im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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