I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
