A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
