she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
