Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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