and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
