So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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