your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
