If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
