If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
