I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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