Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
