There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
