Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
