i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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