Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
