dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Alive.
So much puke
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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