Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
