And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
