Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
