My sheets look like a crime scene.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
