I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
