is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
