He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
