Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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