Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
