i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
