Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
