WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she looked like the before picture.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
