Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well I just put wine in my tea
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
