Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Vodka?
Forever.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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