I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
