just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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