she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
