Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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