Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
pray to the hookup gods
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