3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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