He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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