The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
