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after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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