I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
