So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
