Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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