Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
