I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
