My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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