During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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