Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
