Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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